My Personal Little Land Shark...

Almost from the moment we found out you were going to be a boy, your mother and I decided that Noah and Oliver were the front runners to your name.  Now, many names have come and gone from that list since then, but those two always seemed to resonate with us.  Through the wonder that is the Interweb, we were able to research almost anything to do with any name anyone has ever been called, including Oliver and Noah.  Come to find out that "Noah", in addition to being some guy who allegedly built a carnival cruise line for animals, is also Australian slang for "shark."  Now, as you may have already come to find out, I have a slight obsession with sharks, so once I found out that your name is another term for "shark," it instantly became my top pick.  Before you freak out thinking that I named you after a fish, we did like the name long before I found learned this little kernel of useless trivia.

So, since we decided to name you Noah, I have always thought of you as my little land shark, and ironically enough, things keep popping up that just make that nickname really stick for me.  Here are some examples...

1) You kind of have this "fish-out-of water" thing going on when you are laying on your stomach.  I know  that you are a baby, and you haven't developed any muscles to walk, crawl, or even hold your own head up for an extended period of time, but that shouldn't change the fact that you do kind look like a fish flopping around on the bottom of a boat every once in a while.

2) Are you familiar with "Tonic", not the mixer for gin, but the natural state of paralysis sharks can experience when flipped upside down?  Let's assume, for the sake of this blog, that you aren't.  No matter how agitated or restless sharks can become, they can be flipped upside down (in the water) and they will enter a state of natural paralysis.  How does this relate to you?  Over the past week or so, you have become a bit more cranky from time to time.  And by cranky, I mean that you scream at the top of your lungs until your face is red and you are out of breath.  Like blood curdling screams of horror that make your mom and I think that someone is tearing your tiny fingernails out one at a time and pouring hot sauce in the open wounds!  I am getting to the point, so just keep reading... 

Last week, your mom made me rent and watch The Happiest Baby on the Block, which is a documentary about how to calm down a fussy baby.  Like most of the baby shows your mom tries to make me watch (thanks TLC), I immediately assumed that the advice of this doctor was probably rubbish, and I would likely  just continue to try my own (ineffective) way of calming you when you get in one of your "moods".  Basically, a pediatrician named Dr. Karp has a system that should calm down any screaming or colicky (sp?) baby.  I begrudgingly watched this documentary, more to score brownie points with your mom than thinking I would really find any pertinent information for how to raise a child.

I watched in amazement as this doctor took violently screaming babies, wrapped them tightly in blankets, turned them on their side, bounced them up and down, and shhh'd in their ears, all until the stopped crying.  I mean, this guy was like the baby whisperer!  Over and over, he would pick up crying babies and turn them into quiet and calm (i.e. ideal) babies just like David Friggin Copperfield OR just like putting sharks into tonic.

So here we are today, and I have almost perfected the ability to put you into tonic!  Swaddle tight, on your side, bounce the knees, shhh in the ear...    ...and BOOM, quiet and calm Noah!!!!!  So, to sum up the last few paragraphs, I have figured out that there is a way to naturally paralyze you into calmness, IT WORKS, and I intend to use it as often as possible (please don't judge me, it was recommended by a REAL pediatrician)

3) When you get hungry, anything close to your mouth is likely going to get bitten.  Shirts, blankets, hands, fingers, hair, arms, knuckles...  Basically, anything close to your mouth when you are hungry is going to get attacked, just like sharks! 

So there you have it.  Just three reasons why I think of you as my little land shark.  You have been pretty cranky this week, and while I have gotten the hang of the whole baby whisperer thing, it is still a bit foreign to your mom.

Also, we had another doctor's appointment this week, and you are already 9 lbs 8 oz. and still growing like a champ.  Doc thinks you are going to be a monster (offensive lineman?  next Bobby Jenks?)!  I asked him to make a sling for you that will keep your right hand tied behind your back (better chance of becoming a left handed reliever or quarterback), and he said no!  Looks like I will have to keep my original plan of using duct tape!

Till the next time...

Dad